In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
