I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
