Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's rum buckets o'clock
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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