I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
