There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
