PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
