the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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