She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
