God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
