I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
