Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
