i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
