Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
