My balls are so social today.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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