Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
