i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
