Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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