I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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