I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
