I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
