Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
