No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
