So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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