you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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