Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
