ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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