My liver just broke up with me...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
