So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
