i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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