this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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