I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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