we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
