oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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