I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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