we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
