Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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