There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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