We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
