I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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