I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
