i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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