Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
