You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
