my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
