When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
