i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
