TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
