I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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