Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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