He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
