im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
