I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
