he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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