i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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