if i can run in heels then i can drive
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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