Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love how my cats smell like pot.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
