And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
