Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
