Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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