My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
