Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize