with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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