im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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