either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
