You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
