Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
