my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i now understand why vodka
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
