her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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