I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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