It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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