For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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