Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How does one acquire holy water?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
