just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
